CelenaMarie (:

Jun 6

Update

Blah blah blah. Junior year ends this week. I made Varsity Cheer @ Vista Murrieta, but I’m not going there nexxxt year, I’m going back to Mira Mesa. Yeah, bitches, Celena Valenzuela is going back to Mira Mesa High School Senior Year. Look the fuck out for me! Haha. I’m coming back CUHS I WANNA GRADUATE THERE so don’t make up some bullshit. And I left for certain reasons too. Sheesh it’s finna be so weird seeing everyone after leaving. Whatevers. Britney is also a reason I’m going back. Gotta graduate with my Bestfriend<3 Duuuh! Haha. Anyways, still single, who currs. 3-toned hair = Bomb af, you already know, [; Uhm. Yeah condensed version of the past five months? Bye.

Jan 29

BritneyLeAnn..

I miss you soo damn much.. You don’t know how much I need and want you ]: I miss my best friend. Blaaahhh… Things right at this moment are so damn gay Best…. It suuucks to know you’re an hour away ]:

I don’t know.

Who to talk to. My boyfriend says talk to him when something’s wrong. But I can’t… not on aim. For the past days I’ve been generally happy. But hmm.. today things turned that around, and it brought back everything that’s eating me up insidde. My boyfriend’s talking to me on aim, like he doesn’t even give a fuck about me. It’s whatevers though. I’m in no mood to bitch whine or complain. I just needa let it all out… I’m on the verge of tears AGAIN, yeah I cried to him about some shit, but that’s not even half of what runs through my mind. I listen to him as much as I can and I believe what he says, but my gut instinct is still achiinng… I need my bestfriend.. I’ve got enough reassurance… but not about what I’m truly searching for. Only cuhs there’s no way to let that out..

Jan 6

Why.

Is my heart aching for you Russel? Sooo… I just found out that Russel, ex of 28 months is locked up… When I found out my heart dropped to my stomach.. Why is my heart aching for him? When he was out all we did was fight and argue, but now that I know he’s in juvenile hall I’m hurting and I yearn for him to hold me… Why did things happen the way they did.. I remember last year, Sophomore Year, he maintained 3.0-3.5’s the lowest GPA he had was what a 2.8? And after that one low average he always got higher than that.. It makes me sad that he ended up this way.. I guess my heart ache for him shows that I’m not over him.. I still haven’t let go. I still have all of our pictures on my Myspace they’re just private.. I honestly just wanna go to his house and lay in his bed.. I want things to be right again.. I should still be in Cheer. I should still be at Mira Mesa. I should still be with Russel. There’s soo many “I shoulds” But I need to let go of it all. I just need to move on and let go of the past. I can’t keep holding on. I thought I was over him, but this new piece of information that I found out re opened my heart, and told me that I’m NOT over him.. I can’t and don’t want to be with him anymore but I can’t let go nor am I fully over him.. It’s been almost 7 months since we broke up.. Every 28th of the month I still say that it’s supposed to be our anniversary.. This month, in 22 days would have been our 3 years..36 months.. I know I called him on New Years and spilled my heart to him. I told him I still love him.. and all that shiiit..

Jan 4

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010

Hmm. It’s the 4th day of 2010 and so far it’s been pretty damn good. I ended ‘09 on a good note for the most part.. And the first day of 2010 was good. Spent it with…