Why.
Is my heart aching for you Russel? Sooo… I just found out that Russel, ex of 28 months is locked up… When I found out my heart dropped to my stomach.. Why is my heart aching for him? When he was out all we did was fight and argue, but now that I know he’s in juvenile hall I’m hurting and I yearn for him to hold me… Why did things happen the way they did.. I remember last year, Sophomore Year, he maintained 3.0-3.5’s the lowest GPA he had was what a 2.8? And after that one low average he always got higher than that.. It makes me sad that he ended up this way.. I guess my heart ache for him shows that I’m not over him.. I still haven’t let go. I still have all of our pictures on my Myspace they’re just private.. I honestly just wanna go to his house and lay in his bed.. I want things to be right again.. I should still be in Cheer. I should still be at Mira Mesa. I should still be with Russel. There’s soo many “I shoulds” But I need to let go of it all. I just need to move on and let go of the past. I can’t keep holding on. I thought I was over him, but this new piece of information that I found out re opened my heart, and told me that I’m NOT over him.. I can’t and don’t want to be with him anymore but I can’t let go nor am I fully over him.. It’s been almost 7 months since we broke up.. Every 28th of the month I still say that it’s supposed to be our anniversary.. This month, in 22 days would have been our 3 years..36 months.. I know I called him on New Years and spilled my heart to him. I told him I still love him.. and all that shiiit..
